Everything I Need to Know
by Stealth Dragon
Summary: Pure, unadalturated silliness. Hope you enjoy.


**Everything I need to know in Life I Learned from John Sheppard**

By

Stealth Dragon

Rating – K

Disclaimer – I no own SGA.

Synopsis – what the title says. Pure silliness. Do not take seriously.

Special thanks goes out to the folks at the Gateworld Shepwhump forum who contributed, and therefor will be getting recognition for it. Spoilers for Conversion, Irresistible, Sunday, and various other stuff.

A/N: If you have your own little quote that you think would work well, please put it in the review and I'll stick it in the second chapter (second chapter only if there's anything to put in the second chapter.) You will get recognition for it. If someone would like to do a Rodney McKay (or someone else) version of this, feel free.

SGA

With enough determination and C-4, you can accomplish anything.

Everything can be fixed with the 'John Sheppard Book of Computer Repair' – Caty. That does not, however, include computers.

A high strung, hypochondriac genius is worth five hundred tool boxes and repair books.

When dealing with a genius scientist, snark is the key – Rootortoise (see above for importance of having a genius scientist)

Genius' work better under pressure, so feel free to pressure them.

It's always a good idea to keep a little can of Off! on your person.

Bugs are evil, extinguish them at all cost. - Rootortoise

I hate bugs – Alipeeps. (it isn't just a statement, it's a way of life.)

Bugs suck; literally and figuratively.

Don't run backwards when there are bugwebs about - Bebop

When life throws a wraith your way, name it first, shoot it later.

When life sends you a wraith, throw in a clone to take your place – SGAfan (no clones were injured too severely because of this.)

Never say "let's check it out", that always leads to trouble. - SGAfan

Sticking with that, never, ever, _ever_ say "what could possibly go wrong?" I mean are you trying to get yourself killed? Seriously...

When Rodney says "please, I can fix it in five minutes, what could go wrong?" run as far and as fast as possible. - Lauriel

Never play Satedan Capture the Flag without an official rule book – Ruffles

Don't sit in glowing alien control chairs if you don't know what they are for – Ruffles

That interesting energy signature is never a ZPM. - Alipeeps

Mysterious readings: proceed with caution. Or better yet, don't proceed at all.

Never play with Ancient technology as it tends to do unexpected things. - Ruffles (several clones were injured, but are doing well now.)

Never get locked in the same room with a crazy whumper, especially if they are holding a copy of the 101 Ways to Whump John Sheppard. - Erika

Don't let crazy Genii warriors go. Ever! - Ruffles

It is easier to beg forgiveness than get permission – Suzann.

Ascended women, or men if you are a woman... Heck, Ascended people period are nothing but trouble. I believe Daniel Jackson will also vouch for that.

There really is more to the wraith than we realize, but that hasn't stopped them from eating us.

Wraith queens are suckers for a little playful banter. Alright, maybe not, but it sure does help pass the time before rescue comes.

Just say no to wraith enzymes.

When encountering a society in desperate need of an heir with the blood of the Ancestors, say nothing; just smile politely, apologize that you can't help, slap your hand over Rodney's mouth, turn, and walk away.

There's no such thing as a crack-pot idea in the Pegasus Galaxy.

Whatever's ailing you I'm pretty sure the Ancients invented something to cure it.

What doesn't kill you will probably turn you into something.

Infirmaries are about as much fun as watching paint dry.

Who'd of thought a little congestion could save the day?

Beware of fat men bearing gourds.

Get someone else to teach Rodney how to fly the jumpers.

Know the difference between turbulence and enemy fire, because jumpers have dampeners and aren't supposed to react to turbulence... especially while out in space.

Murphy's Law is forever waiting in the shadows to pounce. There it is now! Run!

When life hands you lemons, use them to 'motivate' McKay.

Nobody asks you to lead, sometimes it just happens. Go with it, you might be better at it than you realize.


End file.
